Being Pro-Women Is Not Anti-men

Women

Photo illustration by Dami Mojid / THE REPUBLIC.

THE MINISTRY OF GENDER x SEXUALITY

Being Pro-Women Is Not Anti-men

Why are boys’ issues often used to derail the conversation when issues affecting girls are raised? Until men recognize that our true battle is against patriarchy and not feminism, we will remain stuck, unable to achieve meaningful progress.
Women

Photo illustration by Dami Mojid / THE REPUBLIC.

THE MINISTRY OF GENDER X SEXUALITY

Being Pro-Women Is Not Anti-men

Why are boys’ issues often used to derail the conversation when issues affecting girls are raised? Until men recognize that our true battle is against patriarchy and not feminism, we will remain stuck, unable to achieve meaningful progress.

Every year, the International Day of the Girl Child is celebrated on October 11, while the Day of the Boy Child comes earlier on May 16. Yet, certain segments of Nigerian men online wait until October 11 to advocate for boys’ issues—not to complement the celebration but to compete with it—reducing the conversation to a battle rather than recognizing both causes as deserving of attention. This begs the question: why do boys’ issues only seem to matter when girls are being celebrated?

With the evolution of feminism in Nigeria, particularly in online spaces, there has been a notable rise in anti-feminist backlash. On one hand, this backlash opposes women’s advocacy and activism. On the other, it urges women to include men in their advocacy rather than antagonizing them. As Arab gender researcher Farida D. aptly puts it, ‘If you believe that being pro-women is anti-men, then you’re admitting that your version of being pro-men is anti-women.’ This pattern of resistance is not unique to feminism. Like other socio-political movements, feminism is now criticized for allegedly sidelining the privileged.

A similar dynamic was evident during the Black Lives Matter movement, when some white people, feeling excluded, countered with slogans like ‘White Lives Matter’ or the more commonly used ‘All Lives Matter’. Ironically, many Nigerian men understand how such responses deflect from the specific challenges Black people face, yet they struggle to apply the same reasoning to feminist causes within their own context. This is yet another example of the privileged class viewing equality as oppression because the world no longer caters to them exclusively. As other groups begin to receive the attention they have long deserved, the privileged feel ‘forgotten’ or unfairly treated, even though that is not the reality of things.

The issue with ‘bothsidesism’ is not that one side is unimportant, but that one side has not historically faced the marginalization the other side has experienced. Moreover, this perspective often frames the situation as a conflict between two opposing groups—men versus women. In truth, it is not about men versus women; it is about feminism versus patriarchy.

FEMINISM AND FEMICIDE: A GENDER ISSUE

Recently, there has been a growing trend amongst Nigerian men online. When digital feminists on X (formerly known as Twitter) advocate against femicide—the intentional killing of women because of their sex or gender—these men ask feminists not to make it a ‘gender issue’ but rather a ‘human issue’, arguing that anyone can be a victim of murder, not just women. They also argue that advocacy should therefore include all murder victims.

Whenever this response arises in cases of femicide, the fact that men are statistically more likely to be murder victims is often cited as proof that it is not a ‘gender issue’, suggesting that men should also be advocated for rather than generalized as perpetrators. However, their perspective overlooks the common denominator in cases of male and female murder victims: male violence. Ultimately reinforcing the point that it is, in fact, a gender issue, with men overwhelmingly as perpetrators and women overwhelmingly as victims.

In 2024 alone, DOHScares, a femicide observatory in Nigeria, reported over 97 cases of femicide. These numbers are undoubtedly underreported due to various factors that prevent many cases from being officially recorded. Nevertheless, these figures alone strongly suggest a femicide epidemic in Nigeria, and it is impossible to address this issue properly if we do not call it what it is—femicide—instead of shying away from the term to avoid ‘demonizing men’.

Several Nigerian feminist non-profits, such as Herbode and Siren, which focus on advocating for women and girls, have been accused online of disadvantaging men and boys by excluding them from the conversation. What these critics fail to see is that we already live in a world where men and boys have historically been at the forefront of the discussion. This is precisely why these feminist organizations exist: to level the playing field, not to reverse the status quo.

shop the republic

shop the republic

THE COUNTERPRODUCTIVE MALE RESPONSE

Men online fear that boys are being left out of the conversation, and when they had the opportunity to advocate for themselves, they reduced it to a  gotcha moment’ on X. On 31 October 2024, allegations emerged on X that a girl had poisoned her boyfriend’s meal, resulting in the deaths of both her boyfriend and his friends who shared the meal. (These allegations were later proven completely falseinvestigations revealed the deaths were caused by carbon monoxide poisoning from generator fumes. The accused young woman was nearly lynched by a mob and suffered severe harassment before being cleared of all charges.) Despite the unverified claims, male users on the platform called on feminists to advocate against this incident while also creating a countermovement to the anti-femicide cause by trending the hashtag saynotoandrocide’, which garnered over 3,000 posts. 

A recurring theme in posts under this hashtag centred on a single piece of ‘evidence’: a screenshot of one feminist’s poorly thought-out tweet suggesting women should ‘poison men’ —a comment made in a heated raging response to September’s surge in femicides in Nigeria. Male users seized upon this single tweet, using #saynotoandrocide to demand the feminist’s arrest and proclaiming they had found the smoking gun that incited the aforementioned male deaths. However, what disturbed this gotcha moment was that this was yet another example of how these coordinated efforts serve primarily to harass feminists and undermine the deadly reality of femicide. 

shop the republic

shop the republic

 Multiple accounts, most of which were men, began to create parody statements patterned after the chants of women protesting against femicide, such as ‘stop killing us’, while claiming they lived in fear of being male. All of this harassment and mockery was based on allegations that were not only unverified at the time but have since been proven entirely false, nearly resulting in the death of an innocent girl at the hands of vigilante justice. 

Clearly, men have not learned much since September 2020, when they bought a domain and created a website to promote #PatriarchyFC as a counter-response to feminist anti-rape and gendered violence activism. Their logo depicted a man stepping on the head of a bent-over woman, symbolizing men’s attempt to reclaim dominance in the conversations in and from the Nigerian X community. If there is anything these online spaces proved, it is that men do not genuinely care to advocate for issues affecting them; they only seem interested in reacting to feminist causes. While there may be well-intentioned men who want to advocate for men and boys, these efforts are lost beneath the noise of defensive anti-feminist backlash that currently counts as men’s digital organizing.

shop the republic

shop the republic

THE PATH FORWARD: TRUE MALE ALLYSHIP

For men who genuinely seek freedom from the weight of rigid gender expectations—ensuring that male survivors of sexual abuse, domestic violence, and suicide are not silenced by shame—there is an essential truth to confront: feminism, while focused on women’s liberation from patriarchy, also works to dismantle the very structures that enforce men’s silence. Though some men long for this liberation, many still cling to the same patriarchy that oppresses them, choosing instead to antagonize the movement capable of breaking these chains. They criticize feminism for creating women-centred spaces, forgetting that patriarchy left women no choice but to carve out those spaces. They accuse feminism of portraying men as villains, ignoring the fact that patriarchy authored that narrative. Until men recognize that their true battle is against patriarchy—the system at the root of their struggles—they will remain stuck, unable to achieve meaningful progress.

A key step toward real change is for more men to actively align themselves with the feminist movement in dismantling patriarchy. It is just as important, though, that they do this in a way that acknowledges and respects women’s agency. The history of the Women in Nigeria (WIN) organization serves as a cautionary tale in this regard.

In the 1980s, WIN was a groundbreaking organization that brought together women and men in Nigeria to advocate for women’s liberation, equality, and social justice. However, men started taking over how women organized and attempted to dictate how things should be run. This shift in dynamics led to women pulling back, and WIN gradually lost its impact. Over time, the male membership, which initially stood at 30 per cent, declined significantly, and women left the organization to join other individual non-profits.

For men to truly be allies, they must first recognize their privilege and commit to dismantling the system that benefits them at the expense of women. The first step is straightforward but essential: step back from making themselves the centre of the movement because, at its core, it is not about them. Their role is to speak up for women without speaking over them, using their male privilege to challenge other men’s behaviour.

What true male allyship looks like is already exemplified in Nigerian literature by writers like Abubakar Gimba, Tanure Ojaide, and Felix Ogoanah. In works like Sacred Apples and The Activist, these authors create strong female characters who succeed in male-dominated fields, maintain their independence, and resist exploitation. As Nigerian literary scholar Gloria Ada Fwangyil notes, these writers consistently challenge patriarchal traditions through storytelling, showing genuine commitment to women’s empowerment through their work rather than just words. Being an ally is not about convenient moments of support but about showing up consistently when the work needs to be done. This is a counterpoint to the trajectory of self-proclaimers like Solomon Buchi—who went from christening himself the ‘king of feminism’ to devolving into a toxic misogynist—becoming a perfect example of what happens when supposed allies abandon the cause because it feels ‘too much’.

Male activism does not need to oppose feminism to be effective. Instead, it should work alongside the feminist movement by tackling issues specific to men without undermining or dismissing women’s struggles. Feminism is not an attack on men but a fight against patriarchy—a system that oppresses both women and men, though in different ways. Genuine male allyship means acknowledging this shared struggle and actively working to break down the structures that sustain inequality.

The way forward is through collaboration, not competition. Men should avoid centring themselves in discussions about gender equality and focus on amplifying women’s voices while addressing their own issues with integrity. When guided by feminist values, male activism can help build a more just society for everyone. But this can only happen if men engage with humility, accountability, and a true dedication to challenging patriarchal norms, for their own benefit and for the benefit of all⎈

BUY THE MAGAZINE AND/OR THE COVER